


Cogito Ergo Sum

by Vertencar



Series: Listen to the Sound of a New Tomorrow [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8975110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vertencar/pseuds/Vertencar
Summary: In the guest room, at the Ponds’ house, the bed had flowers pattern printed on the sheets. She never liked it and told Amy so every time she came to stay the night as Mels. But now…Now it felt different.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Story title comes from a quote of René Descartes.

River exhaled a deep breath.

The sound of footsteps fading away resonated down the hall. Everything was quiet now. The sound of the clock on the wall was the only noise breaking this silence as a car passed by down the street, illuminating the room for a second with its headlights.

She lay on the bed, motionless. In the guest room, at the Ponds’ house, the bed had flowers pattern printed on the sheets. She never liked it and told Amy so every time she came to stay the night as Mels. But now…Now it felt different. In a  way, it made her feel safe. Like a mother enveloping her child in her arms.

River ran her hands over the sheets, her eyes gazing at the ceiling. The only source of light was coming from the lamp post standing outside in the street but her eyes were getting accustomed to the dark surrounding her. It’s funny how one’s whole perception of things can change this fast. It’s even more true when one’d just regenerated. 

It was the first night at her parents house after she regenerated in the body of River Song. There were so much questions she wanted answered, her mind couldn’t sleep. Thoughts were swirling inside her head and she couldn’t stop them from invading her.

She felt out of place in this room. The last time she slept there she was a friend, now she was a daughter. The daughter of her best friends. Now they knew who she was to them and in addition to this she just regenerated in the body of someone they already met. 

Everything was out of order and it frightened her. But the Doctor told her not to worry, that everything was going to be fine. He promised. But then, could she trust his words? Voices in her head were telling her not to trust him, that he was not to be trusted. But, in her hearts, she felt that he was sincere. She was feeling a pull toward him and she didn’t know why.

Sighing, River turned on her side to find a confortable position to sleep. Contrary to what one might think, the pillows on the bed were quite fluffy. Amy put a great effort in making the bed in the guest room comfortable. Well, it was her bedroom now. Except when guest were around, they wouldn’t understand that their friends had an older-than-them daughter. They already had an alien best friend.

For the first time of her life, she was somebody's daughter. Well, technically speaking, she has been a daughter all her life but now her parents knew who she was and treated her as such.

All of this seemed so…normal. And she didn’t do normal. She was Melody Pond, born on an asteroid, raised by her parents when they were children and now she was the older-than-them daughter. It wasn’t normal, not in the slightest, but she felt that now everything was going to fall into pieces and become normal…as it should have been from the beginning. It took some time but she was finally home, with loving parents who would, she hoped, take their duty of parenthood seriously. 

Even if she was an adult now, she had always wanted to have a family, be raised by loving parents who spoiled their child rotten. Accompanied by morning kisses on the forehead and evening cuddles on the sofa in the arms of her parents.

Of course, as Mels, she sometimes had those affectionate gestures coming from Amy and even Rory sometimes but it was different. They didn’t know who she was back then and it pained her.

And today everything changed, she came home as River Song, daughter of Amy and Rory Williams and since then she felt the tension between them. She knew her parents were still mourning baby Melody and she saw that they were trying to make her feel at ease in here. Without a doubt, they loved adult Melody as much as baby Melody but she understood that they would need time to adjust to the situation. They understood that their daughter was here with them, even if it wasn’t the way they would have wanted her to be. Things would be awkward for a while but River understood it had to be this way for things to go better after.

Her parents had installed her in the guest room and Amy told her that they would redecorate the bedroom if she wanted, since now it would be her permanent bedroom. It’s as if her parents were trying to gain her love by giving her all she wanted. Surely, they blamed themselves for the childhood she didn’t had and all the things she endured during it. By giving her all the things she wanted, they were trying to be forgiven for all this, even if it wasn’t their fault. It was no one’s fault. They were trying to make her love them, but what they didn’t understand was that she already loved them, with both her hearts. She never stopped loving them and never would. After all, they were her parents, and no one could replace them.

Well, it’s not totally true. Not that they could be replaced but when they didn’t know who she was she had foster parents. Rubbish foster parents, that’s to say. River didn’t like them in the slightest, they were nasty and violent with her. Mels was to them more of a burden than a child. And when she reached the legal age to go out of the house, she bought a tiny flat in Leadworth not to far from where Amy lived and spent nearly her whole days at Amy’s house.

But still, poor Zucker, they would never see Mels again, and she would never come back. To them she was…dead? And to the few friends she had during her childhood, she would be like a memory now, never seen again.

But now she was free. Free from her foster parents, and more importantly free from Kovarian. She had a task to fill, to kill the Doctor, and she decided to break free from Kovarian and not to do it. She had no strings attached anymore, she wasn’t the puppet lead by the nose anymore. Kovarian didn’t have any control over her anymore and she felt free for the first time in her life. 

She made her own choice for the first time in her life by deciding not to kill the Doctor. Well, by saving him afterwards. She gave him a second chance in life when she saw that everything that was said about the Doctor was a lie. 

Her whole life revolved around a big fat lie. The Doctor was not cruel and he was certainly not a monster. He was kind and funny and was fighting for the good things. He was a good man.

And now, she knew who was the real monster. Kovarian and the Silence made the Doctor the monster whereas the real monster was them. They toyed with her mind to make her see the world differently than it really was and they trained her and made her fought for the wrong things. 

The Doctor wasn’t the bad guy. He was not the idea she built of him. In a way, it reassured her because she felt that she would grow to like him. And the words he whispered in her ear, _"I love you, River."_ , she didn’t understand why but she felt a pang of sadness in her hearts as he whispered words of love for someone else in her ear. At that time, she didn’t know who that River Song was. But when Amy showed her who River was, as she saw her reflection in the teselecta, she felt obliged to save the Doctor from a certain death. She understood that he was her future and she wasn’t going to deny that she liked the way it was going. 

And yesterday, at the Sisters, she finally understood what all of this meant. She would have her parents and be a normal daughter, and she would have the Doctor as her friend, or more? Everything would be fine now.

With a smile on her face, she turned on her other side and winced when she kicked her breast with her arm. She would need time to get accustomed to this new body. Not that she was complaining, this new body was rather wonderful. It was different from her body as Mels, and she would ever say different in a good way. She was all curves and hair and it made her feel sexy and more mature. But then, it’s not the Doctor who would say otherwise, seen by the face he wore when she went to tease him in Hitler’s office.

She snorted softly, remembering the priceless face he made. Apart from that, she had to admit the he was quite handsome and it would have been a shame to kill him on that day. There was so much things to come in the future for both of them. 

But for now, it was the four of them, with her parents. They will have time to discover each other in the future. Now, she wasn’t afraid anymore of what the future held. She was serene and ready to embark for this new adventure that was her life.

River fell asleep that night with thoughts of the Doctor and her parents, giving her kisses on the crown of her head ans cuddles late at night.


End file.
